Thursday, August 18, 2011

Meet me at the sea shore...

Sweet baby girl, one year ago today, I was listening to your strong, steady heart beat, wondering if you were a she or a he. I was so in love with you already. Today, I am packing for our first big family vacation...without you. Today, I should be excitedly packing all of those sundresses, and  little bathing suits, even those questionable bikinis from Aunt Cathy. :)

 We should be excitedly mapping out our big road trip to accommodate your feeding schedule, but instead we'll just drive well into the night.
This vacation was going to be your first beach trip ever. I couldn't wait to see you play in the sand, dip those wiggly toes in the water, and watch the love in that hotel room for you, as your GAC (great Aunt Cheryl) and Badee (great Aunt Debbie) would have met you for the first time. Your daddy had bought you the sweetest, modest, one piece bathing suit, to match your beautiful self. ( I may still pack that one with me, just to keep it close by),
This is the last of the events we had "planned" with you, before you even arrived. And while everyday stings a bit because you aren't here...I am not sure if it is comforting or terrifying that this was the last planned event.
We are celebrating your Grammy's 60th birthday while at the beach, and your Aunt Judy had given you  a bunch of clothes before you were being this dress. It was going to fit you at this time of we had designated it your party dress for Grammy's birthday dinner. It seems to have lost it's "celebration" and "joy" effect now as it just hangs in your closet.
This trip is so bittersweet baby girl. Many times we thought of canceling. After all, this was not how this trip was supposed to be. But your daddy decided that we needed to go to continue to honor you...and honor you we will. While it will feel like we are even further away from you, if possible, we do have some amazing friends who are going to visit your site while we can not.
Daddy contacted a church right by our hotel and they are saying a Mass in honor of you on Sunday, and the whole family is going. I have asked everyone to pack their Team Sofie shirt (which they had already anyway), so that we can take a big family photo and still have you be in it with us...just in a very different way. Mommy and daddy have a few other ideas for keeping you close with us this trip. So, meet me at the sea shore, baby girl, so you can see for yourself how you will be with us every single day. Meet me at the sea shore, so that I can feel your warmth in the ocean breeze, imagine your giggles when the gentle waves would crash on your toes, and feel so close to you when we gaze up at the giant moon, where the ocean and the night sky meet.
Last year on our beach trip, was the first time that I really felt you kick...I woke up to three tiny taps on my left a little finger (or foot) just poking me...knocking 3 times. I can still feel those tiny taps when I think about it. Meet me at the seashore, baby girl, so that this year, while I can't feel you move from the inside or out,  I will  feel you alive in my heart. I love you, sweet pea. To the big, giant, moon over the beach, and back baby girl...always and forever.
Daddy's favorite pick for the beach trip :)

1 comment:

  1. May there be sweet sweet giggles heard just beyond those ocean waves...