I caught a photo of Sof tonight that Mike must have tucked into the corner of our bedroom mirror. Sure, I have poured over her photos for what seems like months of my lifetime, but it never takes away the very real, visceral, aching love that I feel every time I see them. I am immediately reminded of the words from an ABBA song used in Mama Mia as I stare at her face; those lips and "With a surge of that well-known sadness... I have to sit down for a while."
Don't get me wrong, it doesn't pain me to stare at that perfect face, those kissable lips, or peaches and cream complexion....it simply takes my breath away. Caught up those minutes, lost in her beauty, I feel whisked away from this world; and it is awesome....in the truest sense of what that word should mean. I feel close to her.
The moment that I return back to the real world, I'm surprisingly not met by sadness. How can I be?! I not only had the experience of carrying this beautiful baby girl for 9 months, of giving birth to her; but I had/have an angel. Somehow tonight, that doesn't feel like the curse that it often has. Tonight it feels more like a gift....the gift that she is. Don't get me wrong...I would give anything to be rocking my sweet baby girl tonight and reading her our favorite bedtime story...anything. But since I can't seem to figure out how to will that so...tonight I feel honored, honored to have been chosen to be the mother to this baby girl whose inspiration and impact of love left in this world is immeasurable. I have an angel...and that is an indescribable feeling of pride. At least for tonight...
Sof, thank you for helping mama feel the warmth of joy again, even if just for the moment.